I felt something gently flew into my room. It went right across, I could see it moving from my bed. A bit translucent and with some sparkle. I got out of bed and looked for where it went but couldn’t find it. I went to the kitchen and saw a girl fiddling with some food. She looked back at me with the look which said she had always been there, so what am I surprised at. I bent down to take a closer look at her and suddenly had an urge to look at myself. So I looked down at myself and in the very moment of turning my head down I thought there was a smile for me so I looked back up as soon as I could and she was gone. I felt a wispy breeze move fast my face, warm and cold. I stood there for a long time wondering what had happened wishing for the sparkle to come back before I woke up. It was truly surreal.
That very thin nagging feeling that something is irreparably wrong.
She was right in front of me. From where I was lying down, I could see her do all the funny stuff. We were laughing together. And then I noticed. Quite suddenly actually. It really felt odd that I hadn’t noticed it before. How could this be! She can’t have beard and moustache. Like, thick black hairs? God! How could I not notice it before. It was never there. Does she shave it so well that I couldn’t figure it out? That is impossible. I have seen her face up close. There was only the fine, almost skin colored hair on her face just like my ex. Am I dating a guy dressing up like a girl? How will I ever kiss her again!!! And at this exact moment an image floated into my mind. That we are lying down and I am very close to her face and her freshly shaven face repulses me completely. Should I break up with her? Is it proper to reject her like this? And I felt very sad, a bit for her and a bit for myself. The image broke. She was again there in front of me doing the funny stuff that she does. And she knew immediately what had crossed my mind. Without speaking I ask her how she hid it so far and she starts tells me it’s a very easy trick. And she showed me that trick. A sort of magic trick with hand waving and all and my attention was totally taken away from her face with only her earlier image in my mind. She was back again with no hair on face. Soft, with only her faint sideburns and inviting lips back again to their sensual self. I tried to imagine touching her lips with mine with an experimental carefulness. I have to find out if the lines on her are soft like before or not…
sunglasses at night
It’s a labyrinth, in a city. I am on a very broad street which joins a square right ahead of me. The three other streets are visible, two of them turning at the corner of two buildings. I know I have to reach a place. Somewhere not too far away. It can’t be far now. I am dragging my feet as fast as I can. They move but I feel I am very slow. The landscape around me isn’t changing. I can feel the tall silhouettes of buildings all around me. I have a feeling of the path beneath my feet. Almost like a person. This place feels like a long-lost home. It evokes a stab of pain in my heart. Like an old sweethearts embrace which you wish to avoid. I sigh. An old sweetheart. A picture arises in my mind’s eye and my lips twist in a smile. A sad smile. But why is this place feeling familiar? Something tugs at me in the dark of the night. Instinctively I try to free myself, but I want to avoid looking at what it is. I think I am scared that it will be some little child asking for alms and it will be impossible to avoid it once I know it is there. Actually I would still have to leave it behind and it will break my heart in one more piece, filled with regret. I get the distinctive feeling that it is somebody’s fingers which are tugging at me. I try to guess if it is a child’s hand or a grown up’s but it is so difficult to decide. Frustrated, I look ahead with longing and spot a silver speck of light some distance away. It must be moonlight. It has to be. But it is kind of dark light. Puzzled, I look harder and try to think harder. The tug continues, however now I am increasingly aware of myself. There is something on my cheeks. A solid bar sort of thing. I try to figure out what it could be. The feeling on my face is coming back fast and only now I realize I was numb earlier. It’s like new water returning to a dry stream, slowly soaking the sand and wetting the rocks before it starts flowing fully. In a moment I am fully aware of my face. And now I know. There is a dark sunglass on my eyes. The tug on me comes in front of me. It is a man. He asks me why the hell am I wearing a sunglass at night. I am wondering about the same thing. I think for a few moments with my head down and then I look at the sliver of moonlight again. I wanted to reach there. That is definitely my place. There is an answer in that sliver. The stab in my heart is rising again. I wish I could reach…
Ill dream.
I am talking to her sister outside a shop of some kind. I get a strong feeling that it is someplace in Delhi. At the back of my mind I am trying to think how I came here. We have been discussing something for quite some time now. A few minutes later P also comes and I am shocked to see her. She is looking very ill and the glow on her face is gone. It is shrunken in some way and this is saddening me. I get a feeling that she needs help for walking around. I offer to help her and this gets a smile from both of them. Her smile is feeble for her weakness but is full of love and longing. Her sister’s smile though is a mixture of concern and puzzle. Does she disapprove of my helping out? I toy with this feeling for some time and lose all track of it. I look around again and I see a different scene. It is brighter and my system admin is saying something to me. He is near me but I still cannot hear anything. I notice there are mirrors around him. I watch him in a puzzled way as he has flourishing blond hair. I try hard to remember what is wrong but I cannot figure it out. He then waves to me and starts walking away with his head turned toward me, saying something all the while. At this moment my eyes open and I find that I am neatly tucked into my bed. The soft morning light is filtering through the light gray curtain on my window. The watch shows 7 ‘o clock and I am happy that I have woken up so early. It then comes to me that the admin has black hair and is mostly bald from the front. I smile inside and think why the admin should make an appearance in my dream. I feel quite rested but allow sleep to take over me again!
A white dream
It was a strange light
in the room with a mirror
and my face was staring at me
hunting for something.
I stared down the mirror’s frame
for that oddity which my eyes
were convinced
was there.
But it was just old metal
with fading shine
very strangely
like the light.
And after a long look
I suddenly realized
that all my hair was white
and the shock was bright.
quiteblue 